I was involved in a car accident right in the middle of finals during nursing school. Within the same week my TB skin test puffed up positive. The stress, the pressure, and now the fear of having tuberculosis (a disease we just learned about in class) threatened to overwhelm me. I was three-quarters of the way through nursing school… so close to the finish line. But as I sat stripped down to a hospital gown waiting to have an X-ray to determine whether I really had TB or not… I thought I might break. I just wanted to quit.

A year later, I had been a nurse for several months. I reflected on all the beautiful patients I met. People that were brave and strong and kind. People that inspired me and loved me. I loved them. I realized my experience in that X-ray waiting room was just a minuscule taste of what so many of my patients experience for months and even years. I felt that I would gladly climb those mountains of nursing school to have the privilege of taking care of even just one of my beloved patients. The sacrifice seemed easier now that the recipient had a smile, a name, a story… they were my friend.

Fast forward a few years… I ran the gambit of applications, fees, and shots to come to Mercy Ships. In the beginning, just getting a passport felt daunting. I’ll never forget sitting in the Travel Health office reading through the possible reactions and side effects of the yellow fever vaccine. I turned the page to read all the other diseases and risks that came from travel. I looked up at the door and thought seriously about making an escape. As I spiraled, I brought my feelings to God. I knew He already saw my developing exit strategy anyway. When I came to Him, all I felt was His still small voice, But you’re going to love your patients. I promise. If you just come, you would gladly risk all this and more. Trust me. Just come meet them. 

I wish I could say my faith was strong enough to believe Him at His word… at His simple call. But this time He used my experience. It was easier to believe because I knew the powerful love He gave me for my patients. He was probably right about this. He had done it before. But I still took each step trembling… hoping that He would come through.

But you know, He was right.

I love my patients. All the hoop jumping and shots and paperwork fade to nothing in their laughter. As I share life with them, I feel so honored and humbled to just be here. What a privilege it is just to meet them! Unlike most people on the ship (who did just as much work to be here) I get to see our patients everyday. Because of that, I think I have the easiest job on the ship. The reason I’m here greets me each day I come to work.

I’ve learned a lesson that I hope I hold on to. It’s hard to keep climbing when the people you hope to serve don’t have a face or a name in your heart yet. But we know all of God’s children are fearfully and wonderfully made. It is His desire that we all know that we are loved by Him. As we meet His children, He will reveal His love for them to us. Any of our struggles to love and serve will seem a very small price to pay. While we grow and heal together, we will praise God knowing He is reason we can love one another at all.