I probably took 30 minutes to give 5 pills. I quintuple checked the package with the medication on the computer screen. I struggled to open each seemingly graduate-nurse-proof package. My gloves stuck to my sweaty hands. Despite my best efforts, the pills rattled in the medication cup as I shakily handed over my precious collection of 8AM meds.

My very first patient had to be one of the most patient men on the planet. For the ages it took me to give medications each morning, he only smiled and silently waited. As he reached out his hand to take the med cup, his calm steadied me. In the following days he quietly watched and encouraged… giving me a safe space to learn how to be a nurse. After a week together, he started to tell me how he had seen me grow.

“You don’t shake at all when you give me medications now. I can see you’re feeling more confident and comfortable. You have such a kind and gentle demeanor. You’re doing great.”

One Sunday some friends from church came to visit him. I could hear them sing and pray over him. It lifted my heart to watch them love him well. As they left his room, they all came looking for me. I immediately asked if anything was wrong. (I already knew that’s usually why people come looking for the nurse.) But they assured me everything was fine. They just wanted to meet me. My patient had told them all about how I was learning and growing. They thanked me for taking excellent care of him and promised I was in their prayers.

I can still hear them now, “Oh Erin, he’s just so proud of you.”

It meant the world to me, but I kept thinking… It doesn’t feel like I’ve done anything except stumble my way through. What is there to be proud of?

Last year I went to go visit one of my favorite patients. I loved talking with him. We’d walked through enough fire together that he had become a treasured friend. I used to spend my time away from the hospital tucking away stories to share with him. This particular day I had a lot I was excited about.

I had just been to a medical missions conference. The recruiter from Mercy Ships promised she would remember my name still sitting on the waiting list. I got to hear from amazing nurses and doctors doing incredible work around the world. On top of that, my friend had invited me to come on a mission trip with him to Honduras. Everything was coming together and I hoped to get as much experience traveling and serving as I could before going to Mercy Ships.

My patient listened and shared with me his own family’s experience with missions. We processed what God was doing around the world and what I hoped to get to do in the future. He sat back and looked at me, “I’m so proud of you.”

It meant the world to me, but I thought… I haven’t done anything yet. I’ve never actually gone on a medical mission trip or even travelled out of the country. Even with so much excitement and passion in me, there was some very real fear. How could he be so sure I would really do this stuff I talked about?

Now as I sit on the Africa Mercy looking out at the ocean, there is a lot I wish I could share with these friends. They couldn’t stay on this Earth long enough to see what they were proud of come to pass. But then I remember their faces as they smiled at me and I think somehow… they did see it. And I’m very grateful they shared that vision with me. It has greatly encouraged me along the way.