“Farther along we’ll know all about it, farther along we’ll understand why, so cheer up my brother. Live in the sunshine. We’ll understand this, all by and by..”

I sat quietly in the backseat clutching my small group leader’s hand trying to hold in the sobs threatening to tear out of my chest. This song seemed to mock me and everything I was feeling. I silently raged against God. I could have yelled and cried and beat His chest in frustrated agony.

Rebekah… my roommate and first friend in college was diagnosed with brain cancer the day before. We were driving back from visiting her in the hospital. She and her parents gave us a list of things to bring from our dorm room… toothbrush, shampoo, jeans. Just six weeks into our first semester in college, I looked out at the still unfamiliar highway of San Antonio, and never felt so lost or afraid.

But farther along…

I plopped down on the empty bed next to our charge nurse’s computer to do a bit of charting. It was the first day I felt really comfortable around the unit here on Mercy Ships. I was feeling particularly joyful because my patients have become my friends. They teach me words in Susu and French. I dance as I walk by to the music playing on their phone… and they laugh at me. I weave in and out of beds and one reaches out to hold my hand with a smile.

But as I sat more quietly, the music from the desk in front of me made its way through the chaos that is our ward…

The familiar song playing gave me a wave of nostalgia and love for long time friends. Suddenly I missed one friend in particular so very much… knowing how much she and her family have taught me about praise in sorrow and joy despite pain. Knowing what I learned from them has carried me and my patients through many dark days. Knowing their prayers and love surround me still. Knowing that our God is good.

My dear friend, Rebekah, is so much a part of how I’m here.

“Farther along we’ll know all about it, farther along we’ll understand why, so cheer up my brother. Live in the sunshine. We’ll understand this, all by and by.”